3) Back to December...

Well i havent really written in a while...although not much has been going on...my life is extremely boring although i am cutting alot of the drama out of my life...im not dealing with anyones shit...and soon enough i will find out who my real friends are...school is almost over and i am all registered for next quarter...i will be going to school 6 days a week and i have 17 credit hours plus i will hopefully be working again so it will be insane... but it will be good for me to keep myself busy while i can...I miss tim alot...i got to see him for the first time in 2 weeks yesterday and i must say it was awesome :) i wish he was still here i sercretly wish he would come home but i know hes gotta do whats best for him and right now that means living 2000 miles away :( although last night he gave me the surprise of my life...he told he loved me yesterday....omg i cried so much....i never expected him to say that to me...i never felt like i was good enough for me...hopefully it was him who said it lol with my luck it could have been one of his friend messing around with his phone....but if it was him then i am seriously the happiest person in the world...because the person i love so much loves me back... <3 girls always fear that guys never mean it when they say it and are only saying it because thats what the girl wants to hear...but in this case if it was in fact tim who said it then i really dont think that would be the case cause typically a guy would say it when he was still around to make the girl happy while he was here....not when they can start a completely new life thousands of miles away without you...but he said it after he moved...so i would think that means he truly does love me...right? i hope so cause i really do love him more than any person ive ever loved before...no ones ever made me feel like he has and it took me fucking up really bad to realize that and he was willing to forgive me and start over...and he will never no how much i truly appreciate that...i miss him alot...OH! and he sent me the prettiest flowers for valentines day js :) they are gorgeous!!! but yeah anywho last night was a good night tim told me he loved me and i got a whole bunch of cute new clothes... i cant wait to get my job back to i can get more lol today was pretty boring...went to lunch with my parents and then went and hung out with holly for a little bit came home watched some tv and did a crap ton of laundry oh and did i mention megan might be coming home for a little bit in two weeks!! i cannot wait! but yeah im gonna go attempt to clean my room and probably go to the coffee house :) so byes!

2) I'll Always Remember You

So it's been two days since I've written so lets try and catch up shall we...

February 4th marked the one  year anniversary of my Uncle Kevin's death...that was one of the hardest days I've ever had to deal with and it really hasn't gotten any easier...to me it seems like it never happened it feels like i  just saw him yesterday and that any moment now he will walk through the door with a McDonald's coffee cup like he usually did...I don't think it will ever seem real to me and if he ever did just show up at my house it wouldn't surprise me all i would say is "i knew you didn't die" and then everything would go back to normal... normal is seeming less and less now a days...this year was supposed to be easier and it really hasn't been much better...again i lose someone i love...not in the same way...but still losing someone in any way is never easier and there is a lot of other things going on in my life that typically i would need my uncles love and support on and he's not here...thank god my mom is so awesome and has been helping me out so much...i don't know what i would do without her...so yesterday needless to say was a horrible and suckish day with my uncles anniversary and i am still really bummed about tim leaving...it sucks so much and its only been a couple days and i already wanna see him :( i talked to him a little bit but not nearly as much as i'd like to so i didn't do a thing i pretty much just bummed around all day got jimmy john's for lunch and then watched an extremely strange movie with my sister and her boyfriend then i went to sleep...im still not sleeping to well but i did have a pretty funny/weird dream...i like when i have good dreams :) as for today... today wasn't much better then yesterday aha i really need to find a life...i get so bored i got up today and watched some tv with my dad like i do pretty much every sunday ate lunch took a shower and went to the mall with my mom to return the really awesome but really crappy purse i got for Christmas and i got some new shoes :) so this week should be like Christmas....new phone new shoes and a package from my sister lisa :) after the mall i went shopping with my mom just to get out of the house which is really lame but w.e its something to do got home and soon after we had dinner...after dinner i decided to take a bath which was really nice...relaxed me a little bit but i've been going to bed early so im tired now but being as i havent really been sleeping i'm trying to stay up later in hopes that that will make me sleep more...i did talk to tim a little bit today :):) he seems be be loving LA already although you all know that my fingers are crossed that he comes home...i did mention something to him about me moving there...but i think he thinks i was kidding... maybe he'll decide that he cares about me as much as i care about him and want me to be there and he'll ask me to move there...thats the one thing i want most right now is for him to just tell me he wants me and wants to be with me...my heart would melt...but enough of him on another note today was super bowl and my home away from home won!! Packers! now im not saying that i am a fan but of the two teams that were playing i was cheering for them :) as for now i'm watching cupcake wars and about to go get my homework done cause despite the snowstorm its back to school tomorrow :( so i'm gonna go get on that im sure i will be writing again very soon :) goodnight <3

1) Stay Beautiful

I've never really done anything like this before but i'd assume it's almost like an online diary so thats what i'm going to use it as....

Today was the first day I have had to willing had to say goodbye to someone I love...possibly forever...Today Tim moved to LA and for those of you who don't know Tim he's the guy I have been with for pretty much the past year minus the fiasco that happened in the summer...but we don't talk about that...He was supposed to move in March with i still wasn't taking lightly but I was dealing with it considering it was still a while a away and recently he got a job offer that moved the up date to 2 weeks and than last week I found out I only had one more short week with him...I only got to see him 2 more times before he moved :( Last night I baked him cuppycakes considering he won't be here on valentines day anymore i figured i would give him he little gifts before he left so I made those and wrote out "a bible" as he called it in a card...which by the way the card was awesome it was sparkly and shiny :) went to bruno's til he was ready for me to come over after running a little late...like always ;)...I went to his house...he kinda beat up his car a little by driving into a frozen snow pile...he ended up cracking his bumper and knocking out his fog lights haha so we went inside and him and chris did what they needed to do while michelle and i sat and talked shit about customer service reps and targets refund policies (if your don't already know target sucks balllllls) and finally Tim and I went on with what we had to do which included going to Walgreens at like 12am and get vacuum bag and rope and then we went to his friend adam's house so he could finish editing some tattoo video for some show so look for adam on a tattoo show sooner or later!!! the video came out pretty awesome despite the creepy joker tattoo at the end haha jk its actually really cool...then after leaving adam's we went to LT to return some stuff...let me tell you school are fuggin creepy as shit at night...u hear things that arn't there haha...finally we get back to Tim's at like 3 in the morning and start packing everything...it really didn't seem real just seemed like he was overpacking for vaca or something...after getting everything packed and moved to the kitchen and then to his car we finally got to lay down for a little bit...it was about 4:30-4:45 before we got to the couch at first I couldnt sleep but I eventually did...and before we knew it we were waking up at like 7:30...He wanted to leave at 6 so now he's behind schedule...not uncommon haha...after finishing putting everything in his car we had to say our goodbye...or as I like to call it...our see ya...it wasnt as hard as I thought it would be at first...seemed like i was just going home for the day but i would be seeing him tonight when i went to the coffee house...slowly it started sinking in that i wasn't....this was it...who knows when the next time I am going to see him is...I gave him his v-day presents and we hugged...i didnt want to let go cause i knew i wouldnt be getting another one for a long time...after we hugged for a while i got my stuff together and had to get going home...he walked me to the door and we hugged again and I got my last kiss from him...that was the hardest...as i was walking out i realized i didnt have my phone...so i went back in to go get it...turns out it was in my purse so i got another kiss and hug and actually had to leave...all i could thing about was all the love movies ive ever seen wishing he would run after me...or i should run back in and tell him i love him or something over dramatic like that...but that stuff only happens in movies...never real life...so of course i start bawling as i'm walking to my car which it all of 10 ft away...and i cry the whole way home and pretty much havent stopped yet...and considering tomorrow is going to suck major ass and i only can rely on my family for comfort now...the next couple months are going to be rough...after getting home and crying myself to sleep for a little bit michelle called me and invited me to lunch with her bobby and aaiden...figuring it would be good to get out of the house for a little bit i went we had B-dubs and then got ice cream at coldstone which is exactly what i needed...i came home and then drove emmy to her friends house and ive been in my room typing this and crying pretty much since then....i didnt think that it would be this hard to say bye to him and the sad part is....it hasnt even fully hit me yet that he is gone...and not just at his house hanging out or on a vacation... god help me after its been a few weeks...who knew anything could be this hard...